By Sara Larson
Awake Executive Director

I didn’t know what to expect when I stepped into Awake’s recent weekend retreat for abuse survivors. After months of planning and more Zoom meetings than I can count, we were finally bringing together 17 people who had experienced sexual abuse by a Catholic leader—women and men, young and old, religious and non-religious, from 11 U.S. states and many walks of life. I had high hopes as retreatants arrived at Cedar Valley Retreat Center in West Bend, Wisconsin, but what unfolded over these three days (July 21, 22, and 23) was more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. It is not an exaggeration to say that this experience of compassion and community was life-changing for many retreatants. It was certainly life-changing for me.

Our theme for the weekend was “Beloved,” an invitation for each person to discover themselves as valuable, worthy, and cherished, both by God and by this compassionate, supportive community. Awake Prayer Team member Laura Hancock and Survivor Care Coordinator Esther Harber shared their gifts in planning and facilitating this retreat alongside me. Laura, Esther, and I offered simple reflections on a variety of topics, but the most powerful moments often took place during our small group conversations. In these smaller gatherings, each person had an opportunity to share from their own heart and to experience unconditional support from others who truly understand.

Because each person’s healing journey is unique, we offered a variety of options throughout the weekend and empowered participants to decide what would be most helpful for them. On Saturday afternoon, for example, some retreatants chose to meet with a priest for either individual conversation or the Sacrament of Reconciliation, while others spent time exploring the beautiful retreat grounds or creating a collage to express their personal journey. Some people experienced profound moments of healing through receiving the Eucharist or the Sacrament of Anointing, and others honored their needs and spirituality by connecting with the Divine in other ways.

By the time we gathered for our closing session on Sunday, it was clear that every individual had found what they needed most. As we listened to each person in our circle share one gift from their experience on the retreat, I could only sit in awe of the amazing things that had happened in this sacred space.

There is nothing I can say that would be more profound than words directly from the retreatants, so I want to center their voices here. I hope you will celebrate with me the ways that the Spirit is working in each one of these lives and hearts:

• “I cannot stress enough what this weekend retreat has done for me as a survivor. The extraordinary value of being with other survivors for the first time ever was amazing. I cannot thank the facilitators enough for all of their efforts and their care in considering every detail to be sure we felt safe, valued, not judged, and truly cared for. For those of us survivors who have spent much of our lives hiding in the shadows and feeling irrelevant, ignored, and judged, this meant the world.” – Amy
• “Coming here was a beginning in my healing process. I felt free to cry and be angry… I felt I was with friends who would understand my tears, silence, shame, guilt, and confusion. I was loved and felt care just where I was.” – Rossana
• “I have never entered a building feeling so small and alone, feeling so distraught, and filled with so much hopelessness. Within hours I was feeling connected and understood and feeling genuinely loved by a room full of strangers. By the end of the retreat I left filled with hope where I had convinced myself there was none.  I now had purpose for my life. Most importantly I left with the steadfast knowledge that I am beloved.” – Kimberly
• “To be honest, I wasn’t expecting very much to come of the weekend. It turns out I had a series of very moving and meaningful experiences that I can only attribute to the work of the Holy Spirit.” – Mike
• “It was one more step forward in my own healing journey. I will never forget this weekend.” – Gigi
• “After 40 years of being alone, this retreat gave me the opportunity to meet other women impacted by priest abuse. I am no longer alone. This retreat also gave me a chance to speak with very caring priests who really want to know the truth of how this abuse impacted us.” – Elizabeth
• “This retreat was a turning point in my life as a victim-survivor. Being around other victim-survivors who have suffered immense pain, often for decades, and feeling the prayer and intention that went into making this retreat possible were incredibly healing. We understood each other’s enormous pain and suffering without having to say a word. There was no doubt that God was present. For the first time, I felt hope that things can get better, not just for myself but for the entire Catholic Church.” – Lucy
• “My experience was transformative! Out of the depths of pain comes the flower of change, bathed in the sun of the beloved shining on my face. How can I not be grateful?” – Kate

I am truly honored to have the opportunity to bear witness to the strength, wisdom, and resilience of these beautiful human beings. As Kate says, How can I not be grateful?

Planning Another Retreat in 2024
We are excited to share that we are already working on plans for our second retreat, in summer 2024! If you have experienced sexual abuse by a Catholic leader and would like to be informed when we have the date set, please email Survivor Care Coordinator Esther Harber at estherharber@awakemilwaukee.org.